It just occurred to me that I never actually made an entry about Otakon, and figured I should go ahead and do so.
And by that I mean I should go ahead and upload this picture:
Dat gun.
I spent most of Thursday and Friday searching for a Duke, and was constantly told to give up because "nobody would dress up as him."
Then, at about 11 on Friday night, I saw a red blob walking beside me, and looked up to see the god that is...
...this guy.
The moral of this story is: Don't give up hope. Even if it seems effortless (like trying to find an attractive male dressed as a specific video game character at an anime convention).
Anyway, I'll go ahead and admit that I have a problem. My friend Estelle recently messaged me and said: essay prompt: Discuss something you secretly like but pretend not to, or vice versa. First thought: Duke Nukem.
I have to agree. Sadly. Not to mention I sort of gave up pretending not to quite awhile ago.
Also Chris-chan! Yaaay Chris-chan, yaaaay.
ON AN UNRELATED NOTE
The geeg meister and I are making a FAQ/QandA video tomorrow night, so if you have any questions you'd like to ask us, feel free to comment/message/whatnot me.
Before I knew what was happening I honestly just thought my neighbors were having rougher sex than usual.
Then, when my room literally began shakin' around all my crap, I just got mad at them for being dicks in general, and then proceeded to think about fat people.
Finally deciding that maybe going outside was a good idea, I got distracted by video games and then took a nap instead.
Nah, the quakes had stopped at that point. I'm not QUITE that stupid.
That's right, I've been playing Bully. For those of you who can't remember it/have never heard of it, I guarantee you've seen this trailer:
If you haven't ever seen this then... I don't know where you were a few years back. I guess you were just having a bit of a dead.
In short, it's Grand Theft Auto. Instead of working for the mafia, you work for your douchebag classmates.
My favorite scene is the scene where you walk into your room and Gary's laying on your bed dressed as a nazi. Then proceeds to tell you he "put a special outfit in your closet".
And by that I mean I wat'd hard.
I found it in a bargain bin for about 5 dollars, mainly due to the case having been ripped a new one. I gotta say, it's pretty fun though.
I was going somewhere with all of this, but I can't remember where. So just read that there story instead.
So I recently checked what people googled in order to find my blog.
I'm not sure what's more upsetting, that googling these things links to my blog, or that the type of people who google this are the kind of people who read my blog anyway.
Also, I'm going to go ahead and replace the word "upsetting" for the word "better". You guys are my kind of people.
My friend helped me realize earlier this week that I'm really no good at updating my blog and writing about things if it involves being "friendly" or writing about things I "enjoy".
To a degree anyway.
Therefore, I have decided to critique random specimens that I find to be "shitty" and believe could have been done better; had I have access to a time machine.
1. Math
As I'm sure you've all been able to tell by now, math and I do not see eye to eye on many things. Had I a time machine, I would severely bludgeon whoever decided to advance the subject past multiplication... or just anything I don't understand. I hope you all like basic algebra because it's as far as the system is going to go.
As for the lot of you who actually get some sort of sick pleasure out of math....
2. Modern Art
This, ladies and gentlemen, is a famous piece of modern art worth a couple of thousands. It's a monochromatic piece, which is artist speak for "it's one fucking color, asshole. Deal with it".
I don't care if it has some deep inner meaning. I could graffiti "SHITSICLES" on a wall and say it represents.
the corruption of today's youth through all aspects. Feces enter our bodies rather than exit and we are never truly pure.
Giving something meaning doesn't make it art, at least not to a general public.
Modern art was actually able to catch my interest for quite awhile. Mainly due to artists such Keith Boadwee (who shoves paint into his butthole and then squeezes it onto canvas) and Bob Flanagan (who nailed his own penis to a board). They suffered (or deeply enjoyed, I'm not sure which) for their art. Then hipsters decided it would be retro to create their own... Not by trying though, that'd be too mainstream. Thus, masterpieces such as these were born.
Had I a time machine/unlimited power (same thing, really), I would decree that all modern art, or at least that which is so effortless, have the word "SHITSICLES" spray painted onto it. To show that it is shit, and always will be.
3. Cinnamon
Possibly the most nauseatingly popular thing that can be considered a food substance/spice. There's a reason the cinnamon challenge forces you to gag and vomit; eating pure cinnamon will unleash the Antichrist within your body. YOU MUST REPENT.
Whoever thought "LAWL THIS LOOKS LIKE BARK, BETTER EAT IT." was probably a little slow anyway, and nobody would notice if they went missing (via time machine, of course).
Maybe none of that was very humorous, but I'm too busy being disgusted to find it within myself to be funny.
Cinnamon buns can stay though. Those are rather good.
4. Money
Or, rather, the lack of me having any. Travelling to the future and forcing everyone into poverty wouldn't effect me in the "present", so I really see no problem with doing so. (Cuz just suddenly entering millions of dollars yet to exist wouldn't mess up the economy or anything, right? Also I'm sure robbing people in the future will be so much easier.)
5. Filled Crackers
They're TOO good. I hate them so much for it.
However, speaking of Hello Panda, it's been "the new sports theme" for almost 7 years. I don't want to be reminded of exercise whilst eating calorie packed biscuits. It makes me feel bad. It also makes me question the, shall we say, freshness... of the biscuits I'm eating.
I'm sure none of you actually care what my views on things are (thanks a lot, dicks), and those of you who do, well, I suppose you already know. I'll be sure to shove it down ALL your throats sometime in the future, but for now...
8.
Edit: I also hate editing this page. LOOK HOW FUCKED UP THIS FORMAT AT IS. LOOK AT IT.
