Fanfiction

I would like to take a moment to recognize the amazing glory that is this fanfiction:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6711199/1/In_the_Butt_with_Gary_Smith

That's right, I've been playing Bully. For those of you who can't remember it/have never heard of it, I guarantee you've seen this trailer:

If you haven't ever seen this then... I don't know where you were a few years back. I guess you were just having a bit of a dead.

In short, it's Grand Theft Auto. Instead of working for the mafia, you work for your douchebag classmates.

My favorite scene is the scene where you walk into your room and Gary's laying on your bed dressed as a nazi. Then proceeds to tell you he "put a special outfit in your closet".

And by that I mean I wat'd hard.

I found it in a bargain bin for about 5 dollars, mainly due to the case having been ripped a new one. I gotta say, it's pretty fun though.

I was going somewhere with all of this, but I can't remember where. So just read that there story instead.

Google

So I recently checked what people googled in order to find my blog.

I'm not sure what's more upsetting, that googling these things links to my blog, or that the type of people who google this are the kind of people who read my blog anyway.

Also, I'm going to go ahead and replace the word "upsetting" for the word "better". You guys are my kind of people.

Why stuff sucks

My friend helped me realize earlier this week that I'm really no good at updating my blog and writing about things if it involves being "friendly" or writing about things I "enjoy".

To a degree anyway.

Therefore, I have decided to critique random specimens that I find to be "shitty" and believe could have been done better; had I have access to a time machine.

1. Math

As I'm sure you've all been able to tell by now, math and I do not see eye to eye on many things. Had I a time machine, I would severely bludgeon whoever decided to advance the subject past multiplication... or just anything I don't understand. I hope you all like basic algebra because it's as far as the system is going to go.

As for the lot of you who actually get some sort of sick pleasure out of math....

2. Modern Art

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a famous piece of modern art worth a couple of thousands. It's a monochromatic piece, which is artist speak for "it's one fucking color, asshole. Deal with it".

I don't care if it has some deep inner meaning. I could graffiti "SHITSICLES" on a wall and say it represents.

the corruption of today's youth through all aspects. Feces enter our bodies rather than exit and we are never truly pure.

Giving something meaning doesn't make it art, at least not to a general public.

Modern art was actually able to catch my interest for quite awhile. Mainly due to artists such Keith Boadwee (who shoves paint into his butthole and then squeezes it onto canvas) and Bob Flanagan (who nailed his own penis to a board). They suffered (or deeply enjoyed, I'm not sure which) for their art. Then hipsters decided it would be retro to create their own... Not by trying though, that'd be too mainstream. Thus, masterpieces such as these were born.

Had I a time machine/unlimited power (same thing, really), I would decree that all modern art, or at least that which is so effortless, have the word "SHITSICLES" spray painted onto it. To show that it is shit, and always will be. 

3. Cinnamon

Possibly the most nauseatingly popular thing that can be considered a food substance/spice. There's a reason the cinnamon challenge forces you to gag and vomit; eating pure cinnamon will unleash the Antichrist within your body. YOU MUST REPENT. 

Whoever thought "LAWL THIS LOOKS LIKE BARK, BETTER EAT IT." was probably a little slow anyway, and nobody would notice if they went missing (via time machine, of course). 

Maybe none of that was very humorous, but I'm too busy being disgusted to find it within myself to be funny.

Cinnamon buns can stay though. Those are rather good.

4. Money

Or, rather, the lack of me having any. Travelling to the future and forcing everyone into poverty wouldn't effect me in the "present", so I really see no problem with doing so. (Cuz just suddenly entering millions of dollars yet to exist wouldn't mess up the economy or anything, right? Also I'm sure robbing people in the future will be so much easier.)

5. Filled Crackers

They're TOO good. I hate them so much for it. 

However, speaking of Hello Panda, it's been "the new sports theme" for almost 7 years. I don't want to be reminded of exercise whilst eating calorie packed biscuits. It makes me feel bad. It also makes me question the, shall we say, freshness... of the biscuits I'm eating. 

6. Stuff I'm actually against

You.

7. Lol just kidding

I'm sure none of you actually care what my views on things are (thanks a lot, dicks), and those of you who do, well, I suppose you already know. I'll be sure to shove it down ALL your throats sometime in the future, but for now...

8.

Edit: I also hate editing this page. LOOK HOW FUCKED UP THIS FORMAT AT IS. LOOK AT IT.

Good quotes by good folks

"I'm gay minus the whole 'liking men' part."
-Manwhorz

"I'm hornier than a viking hat and got more bitches than a dog farmer."
-Sami

"What kind of asshole farms dogs?"
-Dalton

"What the chocolatey snack?"
-Marc

"It's only funny because it's so retarded."
-Alex

"...But what if Draco fell off a bridge and became a parallelogram?"
-Gigi

"What? What the fuck are you talking about?"
-Everyone else

"Because of YOU have I have 'ballsack mittens' in my search history!"
-Alli

"We knew this kid back in New York... and by 'we' I mean 'John' and by 'kid' I mean 'drug dealer'."
-Veronica

"Religious views? Yeaaaa there is no God- BAM. Right in the religion!"
-Dave

I'm sure there's tons of more quotes, but I can't be bothered to think of any right now. I'm attending an anime convention next week (Yeah, I'm pretty cool. No big deal.) and that should lead to a rather... interesting blog.

Also, I hate that the blog looks so text filled lately, so please enjoy this picture:

This picture that contains more text....

I Seem To Have Stopped Writing

It would seem that I only have one entry for the month of July.

That is unacceptable. I blame summer completely. 

Also the fact that I am unsure how many people actually still read this contributes to the lack of... contribution. 

Well, I read this, so, as my dad would say, "FUCK Y'ALL"

There may or may not be a good chance that he has never said that, but that will just have to remain a mystery. 

Moving right along, I am rather excited for the release of Deus Ex. Which, by the way, sounds like the french way to say Ex Dee. They should work on that part.

It's as if God said "You know what's cool? Robots. I like robots." The quality of this game is, however, far too advanced for my computer. When I stated "I'm rather excited for the release of Deus Ex" what I actually meant to say was "I'm rather excited to watch Kai play Deus Ex". 

800 and counting.

I'm only about 200 views away from being at 1,000 views.

That'll be pretty cool. Once it happens... I'll do something special for you guys. I don't know what though.

I'll um... I'll upload nudes. Not of myself though, I have more dignity left than would be expected. I'll get someone else to do it for me.

How do you guys feel about omegle dicks?

Yeah. I'll go with that.

Omegle dicks for everybodyyyy. Hooraaaaay.

The math behind bein' gay

"Me and my friend Vanessa, also known as ~Ohchinchin, were discussing how my brother said both homosexual and queer together, causing us to assume that someone who is both homosexual and queer would be one who is a gay gay guy, also known as a straight guy."

What exactly does it mean to be gay? Through much research, scientists and mathmaticians have now been able to put a mathmatic formula behind it.

Gay- One of the basics roots.

Straight- One of the basic roots.

Gay x Gay- Straight. Gay is, in a sense, a negative number. Thus, a person who is Gay squared is actually straight.

Gay x Gay x Gay- A "straight gay" is born from this formula. A homosexual with absolutely no flamboyancy.


Gay x Gay x Gay x Gay- Double straight. Usually used for the more annoying Christians... cuz BEIN' A QUEEROSEXUAL IS A SIN.

Tip: Why not brighten someones day by telling them how straight they are? Title should be awarded to any anti-TGLB people met.

Gay x Gay x Gay x Gay x Gay- A flamboyant Gay. 

More than one solution- Most often found in fractions and quadratic formula real life. A Bisexual.

No Solution/Imaginary numbers- When a solution simply does not work. Asexual. They are also imaginary I guess.

Infinite solutions-Perverts.