My friend helped me realize earlier this week that I'm really no good at updating my blog and writing about things if it involves being "friendly" or writing about things I "enjoy".
To a degree anyway.
Therefore, I have decided to critique random specimens that I find to be "shitty" and believe could have been done better; had I have access to a time machine.
1. Math
As I'm sure you've all been able to tell by now, math and I do not see eye to eye on many things. Had I a time machine, I would severely bludgeon whoever decided to advance the subject past multiplication... or just anything I don't understand. I hope you all like basic algebra because it's as far as the system is going to go.
As for the lot of you who actually get some sort of sick pleasure out of math....
2. Modern Art
This, ladies and gentlemen, is a famous piece of modern art worth a couple of thousands. It's a monochromatic piece, which is artist speak for "it's one fucking color, asshole. Deal with it".
I don't care if it has some deep inner meaning. I could graffiti "SHITSICLES" on a wall and say it represents.
the corruption of today's youth through all aspects. Feces enter our bodies rather than exit and we are never truly pure.
Giving something meaning doesn't make it art, at least not to a general public.
Modern art was actually able to catch my interest for quite awhile. Mainly due to artists such Keith Boadwee (who shoves paint into his butthole and then squeezes it onto canvas) and Bob Flanagan (who nailed his own penis to a board). They suffered (or deeply enjoyed, I'm not sure which) for their art. Then hipsters decided it would be retro to create their own... Not by trying though, that'd be too mainstream. Thus, masterpieces such as these were born.
Had I a time machine/unlimited power (same thing, really), I would decree that all modern art, or at least that which is so effortless, have the word "SHITSICLES" spray painted onto it. To show that it is shit, and always will be.
3. Cinnamon
Possibly the most nauseatingly popular thing that can be considered a food substance/spice. There's a reason the cinnamon challenge forces you to gag and vomit; eating pure cinnamon will unleash the Antichrist within your body. YOU MUST REPENT.
Whoever thought "LAWL THIS LOOKS LIKE BARK, BETTER EAT IT." was probably a little slow anyway, and nobody would notice if they went missing (via time machine, of course).
Maybe none of that was very humorous, but I'm too busy being disgusted to find it within myself to be funny.
Cinnamon buns can stay though. Those are rather good.
4. Money
Or, rather, the lack of me having any. Travelling to the future and forcing everyone into poverty wouldn't effect me in the "present", so I really see no problem with doing so. (Cuz just suddenly entering millions of dollars yet to exist wouldn't mess up the economy or anything, right? Also I'm sure robbing people in the future will be so much easier.)
5. Filled Crackers
They're TOO good. I hate them so much for it.
However, speaking of Hello Panda, it's been "the new sports theme" for almost 7 years. I don't want to be reminded of exercise whilst eating calorie packed biscuits. It makes me feel bad. It also makes me question the, shall we say, freshness... of the biscuits I'm eating.
6. Stuff I'm actually against
7. Lol just kidding
I'm sure none of you actually care what my views on things are (thanks a lot, dicks), and those of you who do, well, I suppose you already know. I'll be sure to shove it down ALL your throats sometime in the future, but for now...
8.
Edit: I also hate editing this page. LOOK HOW FUCKED UP THIS FORMAT AT IS. LOOK AT IT.
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